Communication with Clients

I work for a company where most of our business is done online or through email. Because of this, I sometimes get ridiculous awesome tidbits like this! I like to save the funnier correspondence with our clients to share it with friends and family so others can join in the hilarity.

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of our hilarious and IQ-challenged clients*


1. I've been hit with all the charges for this service and I have gotten to point I don't which end is up and I'm having bout of Diarrhea and so I need someone to talk to.
2. I would appreciate a prompt response to my request, so that I can either close the cover of this very bad novel with a happy ending or start the final chapter with drama and suspense.
3. "Jennifer’s computer doesn’t have out Outlook, so we are unable to e-mail the original PDF through her hotmail. I’m sending a scanned copy with my computer. This computer has outlook to auto send the PDF file. If you have anymore PDF file please send them to this e-mail address instead."
And then he attached a JPG.
4. Some people, like myself, who know nothing about tax return filing, are handicapped, in a sense, and need to be spoon fed; however I have other skills, so I don't really feel defensive about my shortcomings.
Again, thank you. May the Universal Creative Force be with you, and may you flourish and prosper in your life, in business, the arts, and romance.
5. It is our socialist S.S. who if you don't play their drug/control games they attempt to destroy any ability to be independent.
6. Wicked persons in gov't. and med jobs in my local have falsified and endangered my life for years NOT wanting me to be able to work and be independent from their control and profit. It is the great Socialist System that does not give us what you are told!
7. All the mileage figures is figures after the mileage is figured.